For all of us, the mention of certain subjects, objects, or people can cause the visceral rise of anger up into our throats. If we fail to get these feelings under control, we often suffer from the consequences of our own words and actions.
If this happens to you more often than you would like, you need to do a few things in advance to give you better control in these stress filled situations. This advance preparation can have a wonderful effect on your ability to prevent your anger from damaging the causes that stirs your passions.
Each temple pulsing, fist clenching moment comes to us via a trigger. This trigger is the key to what our response is now-anger, and what we wish it was-persuasive. Yes, I said persuasive. Everyone with a cause wishes everyone around them would join their cause. When it happens, we become happier. It is hard to argue with this kind of logic.
Here is where advanced planning can really pay off. Done right you will be thought of as a person of great personal passions instead of a raving fanatic. Think back to the last blazing hot confrontation you had. Which one of you walked away looking like a nutcase with a bad attitude?
Ready to become a someone who lives life with truly great personal passions? That may sound a little over the top, but, it is our passions that bind us together. Never underestimate the role that passions have played in most revolutionary change. And, by all means never forget the powerful emotions that drive that change. Here comes the caveat. If you want change without physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual bloodshed, anger is the wrong emotion to use.
Getting back on track we must take a closer look at one of those moments when anger took control and look a little deeper to see if we can find the underlying passion. Politic, global climate change, social justice issues, personal religious beliefs, racial tensions, cultural norms, and so on are some of the noble causes that draw out strong opinions on both sides of every argument. It is not unusual for us to develop a serious dislike for those who are the most vocal opponents to our own point of view. Can you feel the anger rising in your throat as they come to mind?
This little recall exercise should have brought to mind at least one of your passions, as well as your feelings toward those who oppose your efforts to promote change. Good. This is where advanced planning can put you on top in a heated discussion, or at least let you walk away with your head up rather than with tail between legs.
Your righteous anger will need to be replaced with some form of persuasion for you to gain the upper hand or hold your own in a debate. To do this you must develop some irrefutable reasons to support your cause. I say irrefutable because fiction and fairy tales win very few arguments. Remind them that it is foolish to throw caution to the wind, especially when we are dealing with a few unknowns.
You should be armed with at least three good reasons why they should respect your passion. It won't take long after you do this to discover the truth that the best defense must include a good offense. Simply put, don’t bother having an opinion if you are not prepared to defend it.
One of my own pet peeves is when people spout rhetoric one liners from famous people with no real knowledge of what the underlining passion is. It is one thing to share a passion, it’s quite another to blindly hop on a bandwagon. If you hope to persuade anyone that you are passionate about something, a little knowledge goes a long way.The goal is to empower you to take control of your passions and be happier as a result.
Passions are funny things. They can be big, and powerful, and overwhelming. And, they can also be tiny little jewels in your crown as king or queen of your personal kingdom. If you have a passion for something, I guarantee you there are others out there ready and willing to share it with you. One example would be recycling. There are happy recyclers and there are angry recyclers.
You can set out to save the world by demanding that everyone recycle under penalty of your personal scorn, or you can set the example by following your passion and then strike up spirited conversations about your exciting efforts to save the planet for future generations. Need I point out which method is most effective. The lesson learned here goes hand in hand with efforts at persuasion. Every passion has a positive face. Find yours and put it on.
To be a truly passionate person you must live and breathe your passions every day. From now on let whatever triggers your anger trigger a positive response instead. A little knowledge and preparation will make you a more passionate person. Don't let your anger destroy who you want to be. May your passion for life shine through your conversations so they can see you for who you are.
One last note: Mutual respect for each other’s right to have a different opinion will leave each discussion open for further consideration in the future.
J. Siler
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